Failing at Failing, life is a series of choices.

Dear Readers, if any of you still remain.

I am pretty awful as following through with this blog. I assure you I’m writing in my free time but it’s mostly fanfiction related work or unfinished poems that I’ve typed up on my phone here and there. I had a feminist rant I intended on posting regarding menstruation – in direct relation to the Pink Tax. Of course, even that fell by the wayside in favor of other things that I decided “logically” ranked higher than my desire to be an author. I guess that is essentially putting my dreams on life support.

I was hoping to do a book review portion of this blog in the earliest conception of it. Reading is essential to becoming a better writer. I will never get published (if I keep putting my work to the side, for one) if I do not improve (as the primary comment of this paragraph). So I’m going to start putting book reviews into the ‘My Opinion’ section of this blog for the time being. It will keep a steady stream of content coming while also giving me the opportunity to learn from authors who have made their dreams come true during this continued hiatus.

Along the way, maybe I’ll stop being such a slacker and put this blog back together the way it should be – writing posted regularly. I want to be an author more than anything else in the whole world (besides a great mother and loving wife, of course). Life is a series of choices and I will take responsibility for mine – the ones that I make that ultimately result in this blog being neglected. I need to do better. That is nearly all I can say on the matter.

A side note, though, I was working two jobs for six months and it drained a lot out of me. During that time I thought of giving up on writing. I think I was mental during those months, and I plead forgiveness from all whom tolerated me during that time. However, the instant I left my management position I was able to calm down and start taking only the most serious things to heart. Again, I remembered my passion for writing. Sometimes I want to be a teacher, I think, and I believe I would be at peace teaching for the remainder of my life. I have a love for children and learning that has never been fully shared with the world around. But I do have to ask if I would ever be truly happy giving up on my dream in front of my son.

I would not. I am the example. I am the template. He looks to my husband and I for the outline of how life will be lived – and I don’t want him to give up on anything he loves.

So, yes, I am failing at failing at my dream. I keep putting it to the side and saying that perhaps it is not meant to be – that it is not in my cards right now, but I never let it escape me completely. I am still very dedicated to this career path. Life is a series of choices and these are my choices. I make the questions, I make the answers – so now I simply need to rewrite the test.

Hopefully you’ll stick around. I won’t blame you if you don’t. But would you blame yourself? I guess that’s a question you need to answer.

 

Yours,

xoxo ab

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