The Hate Within

I like the way I can’t breathe when I wake up;

I like the way I can’t see when I fuck up.

I love the way I can’t speak when you make me mad,

And I love more than anything…

The way I can’t find the strength to live when I feel sad.

 

I hate my rhymes and stories and songs,

I hate everything that ever happens so I just play along.

I hate when I smile and I hate when I laugh.

I hate thinking that you might judge me so fast.

I hate that I hate everything.

I literally hate everything.

 

I even hate the way I like the terrible things that make me feel like death.

And the worst part is – I haven’t figured out what to do about it yet.

I supposed I could drown in medication so that I could function.

I could take a pill every day so that I could live without disruption.

But those are I coulds – not I wills.

I have no desire to replace my meltdowns with pills.

The only thing I want to depend on is me, myself, and I; and what I know to be true.

And this is what I know today – I hate myself, but tomorrow I’ll hate you.

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