I like the way I can’t breathe when I wake up;
I like the way I can’t see when I fuck up.
I love the way I can’t speak when you make me mad,
And I love more than anything…
The way I can’t find the strength to live when I feel sad.
I hate my rhymes and stories and songs,
I hate everything that ever happens so I just play along.
I hate when I smile and I hate when I laugh.
I hate thinking that you might judge me so fast.
I hate that I hate everything.
I literally hate everything.
I even hate the way I like the terrible things that make me feel like death.
And the worst part is – I haven’t figured out what to do about it yet.
I supposed I could drown in medication so that I could function.
I could take a pill every day so that I could live without disruption.
But those are I coulds – not I wills.
I have no desire to replace my meltdowns with pills.
The only thing I want to depend on is me, myself, and I; and what I know to be true.
And this is what I know today – I hate myself, but tomorrow I’ll hate you.